Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Yeah, Sometimes We FIGHT!

You know those couples that “just never fight”?

We are NOT that couple.

Sometimes, me and my husband have a good ol’ fashion, nitty-gritty, down and dirty FIGHT. No, I don’t mean “heated discussion” or “little argument”.  I mean raised voices, rude comments and sassy faces (mostly mine) that result in one of two mature outcomes: storming off (slammed door a bonus) or the silent treatment.

In fact, some nights after a fight, I’m hanging so far off my side of our King bed that I practically need belaying equipment to keep me from rappelling down the side.  But, Lord knows, I’d MUCH rather squish on the outer five inches of our bed then risk the possibility of making HUMAN contact with THAT man on the other side (waaaaayy on the other side), who is he again!?  NOT the wonderful and sweet man I married, that’s for sure!  Geez, what a meanie-head!  Naturally, in all
these situations, I am always correct in my assessment of the situation and my carefully thought through solution, if only THAT MAN would get on board with MY plan!

Just so you know, I am kidding.  Usually, I am 50% (but often, 48% is more accurate...) to blame for the marriage malfunction.  I don’t mind saying it like it is and joining with the other great folks in the married universe that admit we have our moments.  Yet, now and then, I meet a couple that says, “Oh, we just DON’T EVER fight.”  Really!?  When I hear this, two thoughts gallop through my brain: “liar” or “saint”.  Now, maybe you ARE one of those couples and if so, I certainly don’t mean to offend you but NOT fighting may not always be the better way.

Imagine my surprise recently to stumble upon an article in a Reader’s Digest that sited stats showing that couples that fight verses couples that don’t are better off most of the time: “A University of Washington study of newlywed couples showed those who argued relatively little were happier than combative ones. When the same couples were checked three years later, however, those with an early history of bickering were more likely to have found stability in their marriages, whereas couples who prided themselves on their equanimity were in troubled relationships or already divorced. It turns out the garden-variety marital spat is actually GOOD for you!”*

I’m NO psychologist but if I had to take a real-life experience guess as to why this is the case, I think it’s because a fight done right (more on that next time, a subject I am taking BABY steps in, not an expert!!) can help resolve conflict.  When a couple never engages in a fight, many times it may mean one of them is letting the other have their way in an attempt to keep the peace or maybe neither one is willing to address hard topics that NEED to be talked about and instead it simmers under the surface, only to explode years later.  I think it is fair to add here that some couples are just really chill and that’s cool too, they may not think anything is worth a “heated discussion” and hats off to you…or you may be a newlywed thinking, “I just can’t imagine EVER fighting with the most perfect person in the world!”.  I get it: I thought the same, but what about the person you married (wink, wink!)?!

If you are also a person that used to be perfect before you got married (gosh, they just bring out the best in us sometimes!) then know you are not alone if you ever slam a door or call the love of your life a meanie-head now and then.  We’ve been there, hung off the side of that bed…and the next morning, we can still smile (just a TINY bit) and love that person that loves us in spite of it all.


Okay, I give up, I'll let him win for a change!  (maybe...)
Gosh, THAT MAN can be so stubborn sometimes....I never am...ha ha!!


Carrie said...

Love this! I agree that 'those' couples who 'never' fight are either liars or saints ;)

Tara Cole said...

Thanks, Carrie! I checked out your blog, by the way, didn't see a way to comment or follow you on there so I'll comment here! Loved your blog--your candid take on life is always so refreshing. Read the McDonalds blog and totally agreed, kids today (do I sound like 80 if I say that?!) are often VERY loud and just plain RUDE. I don't understand why parents don't be parents...as in, be in charge! The children are BETTER (and everyone around them!!) for it!! Anyway, I'll have to check out your blog more and thanks for the follow!

Lisa said...

We just had this discussion last night at dinner! Same thing goes with parenting...I always wished I could have been a calm momma, too. "now, children, we don't go out into the sreet, okay?" NO! I would freak out!! Happy to know there are other passionate couples/parents out there! LOVE IT!

Hugs to YOU!


Tara Cole said...

Oh, yes, Lisa--PASSION is one great word for it, lol! Love it!!