Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Selfish Servant

If you walked into my home today, knowing the Tara Cole of yesterday, you would probably think an alien has taken over my body.

I’m going a little nuts lately.  And I don’t mean nuts as in checking-myself-into-a-mental-hospital-nuts.  I mean going nuts doing the opposite of what usually drives MYSELF nuts.

I had to do it: my health started to collapse and it scared the stupid out of me.

The woman that stayed up doing dishes, blogs (sorry, had to let this go some!), laundry and the million other things I only longingly glanced at during the day en route to grabbing another diaper to rescue a stinky bum or heating up a bottle to quiet a crying mouth is NO more.

This is a new woman: I’m taking baths and leaving messes.  I’m tearing up “to-do-list” and building block towers.  I’m ignoring laundry and playing Candyland instead (granted, the kids are recycling undies and wearing mis-matched socks these days...JOKING!  It’s not THAT bad...yet...).  Something had to give and it wasn’t going to be me. I’m eating first (while hiding in the kitchen of course) and being a little darn SELFISH!! 

Yes, I said I’m being a little SELFISH and women, we all need to hear this and do it now and then.  The put-yourself-last, be-a-martyr to the death and HOPE you live to tell about it thing just ain't gonna work, take it from a mother that may be older and finally a little wiser!

Maybe this isn’t a struggle for you and if you have no problem swinging through the drive-thru to grab an ice-cream for YOU (while the kids hyperventilate in the backseat) or could sleep on the mountain of laundry on your bed waiting to be folded (just more cushion for the...sleeping!), I truly APPLAUD you!  Carry on, you wise and wonderful woman!!!

But if you are like me (you poor dear!!) and can’t hardly breathe, much less sleep, until ALL the laundry is folded (military style) and put neatly away then let me pull you into my arms and offer you this sweet encouragement,

“STOP BEING AN IDIOT!  GO TO BED!!  RELAX!!  TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF”  (said while shaking you ‘till your eyeballs jiggle then giving you a hug as we bawl together over our type-A, go-getter-tendencies!!).

Now, there, isn’t that better?  If we can’t be real about life then, well, then that just isn’t any fun!  And remember: we are the new having-fun-and-relaxing-women!

I push myself because I love to accomplish, I love to see something get done!  During this time when the kiddos are little, it feels like in a given day, more gets UNdone than done; and for a goal-oriented gal like myself, it feels like I’m moving backwards in life sometimes which can feel VERY frustrating!

If it weren’t for these health concerns that took my breath away (that are getting a little better!), I think I would have kept on my goal-oriented path that was heading towards a cliff!  Thank God for stuff that scares the stupid out of us sometimes.  Thank God for things that refocus us and give us a chance to get our priorities in order!

A dear friend of mine recently shared this thought, "Something interesting about Mother Teresa is she always ate first, then fed the children." That really stuck with me even though there is pretty much NO comparison between me and Mother Teresa, I DO feel like EVERY meal-time my children will die of starvation (or I will die from hearing them whine and complain...) if I don't get them fed in under 60 seconds! But, alas, I am now taking the first bite. Afterall, I can't care for them if I'm passed out in the kitchen from exhaustion!

So, join me!

Take a bath in the tub and let the dishes pile in the sink (c’mon, ONE night won’t hurt!).  Throw a blanket over the toys in the living room and have an impromptu picnic with the kids (or the spouse, mm-hmm!), heck, maybe even SPILL on the carpet and resist grabbing the carpet-cleaner...for five seconds!!

I’m a new (slightly more selfish) woman and it feels pretty dang good.


Rebekah said...

Proud of you Tara:) We all struggle with this(ok i don't, really I don't)For example.. the laundry that hit my bedroom floor after being pulled from the dryer has been then since sunday.. and it's wednesday:)... tonight i'm going to fold it only because i bet the power will go out tonight when the snow blows through and i don't want anyone to trip and hurt them selves in the dark:) haha

Obviously i'm not a type A/maybe a type Z??

but i married a type A... so I do try harder on the days he begins to crash...

Here is an example of taking care of yourself first:
don't they tell you to put on your air mask Before your childs when the plane starts crashing... If you have life, then and only then, can you save your child...

Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Love this verse because the pressure comes off of me and onto a very capable God who can handle it all! I love HIM:) thanks for letting me share a little here and thanks for sharing your life with me through this blog. Love your heart:)

Jenni said...

what a great blog!! I, too, was dying and "gave up"!! I asked my husband to rank things in order of "if I have time" and he ranked a picked up house as #1, so most days I try to do that, but somedays even that is a long shot. thankfully he doesn't care about food- we often have pb&j or frozen pizza and he doesn't care about general house cleaning, so I've given up on that as well. I'll probably take it up again when the dust bunnies threaten to overtake our beds. But, I've been trying to do whatever it takes to have a more peaceful home and to-do lists don't make for much peace in my heart- let alone my home!!

Tara Cole said...

Thank you for sharing from your heart, rebekah. Great (and funny!) Insight. Love the verse too.