This is my Confession

This is my confession.

It happened the day of my oldest son’s birthday party that was scheduled to kick off at my in-law’s house at 6 pm, on the dot.

It was around 4:00 pm that I realized a BIG communication break-down had just occured between me and my better half.  I had thought he was going to be back from work by 3:00 to drive me and the kids (in an air-conditioned vehicle as it was over 100 degrees out that day) to his parent’s place so we could set up for the party.  He had thought he was supposed to meet me there when he got back from being out of town...after 5 pm!!  

So there I was at 4:05 (slightly panicking!!), loading my babies in a diesel truck (with NO A/C) and balancing a 6-layer cake on my lap as I said a prayer and rumbled down the road towards my in-law’s house.  SInce I  had never driven my husband’s truck with my one-year-old in the backseat, I didn’t know until her door swung up that she could reach the handle so easily!  Thankfully, that was also the time I was slowing down for a stop-sign but I still nearly had a heart attack and slammed on my brakes.  Of course, this caused the aforementioned cake to topple off my lap and attempt a nose-dive for the floor but by some genuine miracle, I caught it as it was falling and only a small chunk of the cake went MIA.  

At 4:09, I was covered in rainbow-cake, my heart pumping huge doses of adrenaline from the door-opening scare and sweat pouring off my forehead.  As I was still parked at the stop sign, I jumped out to securely close the door by my daughter’s car-seat (with plans to lock ALL the doors afterwards!) when I noticed that a lady driving around the corner was glaring at me. 

I think what happened next occurred in slow-motion as her window rolled down just enough for her to holler out an obscenity not fit to write in this G-rated blog!

Really?!  As if I was just taking a stroll or doing a Chinese fire-drill in the middle of a busy intersection for kicks and giggles!  C’mon, lady, I am saving the life of my baby girl...and saving my son’s Star Wars rainbow birthday cake too, of course!

These are my confessions,

Just when I thought I said all I could say,

My chicks in the car going nuts, things not going my way,

These are my confessions,

Man I’m thrown and I don’t know what to do,

and what I did on this day will really surprise you.

Now this gon’ be the hardest thing I think I ever had to do,

Got me talkin’ to myself askin’ how I’m gon’ tell you...(Thanks for that, Usher!)

I don’t remember actually thinking before it happened (though I must have in that split-second of decision making!) but right then and there, I gave her the old bird!  Yes, it shames me to admit: lover of Jesus (you know, the guy who said to LOVE your enemies and do GOOD to those who hate you?!), pastor’s wife and aspiring role-model to my children flipped someone off in the middle of a busy intersection (in a small town) for ALL to see (including my children, ahhh!)!

I’d like to say that was my reaction but had NOTHING to do what was in my heart but I know that’s not the truth.  It’s definitely not HIS Truth, “...out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks (or the finger flips!).” (Matthew 12:34)

Oops.  So THAT anger...that JUNK was already IN me and the circumstances of the moments simply brought it out of me.

Sigh.

My hope is next time you are driving through our small town and happen to see someone randomly shouting obscenities at me, that I will be the cool-headed mom (even if I am covered in rainbow cake) smiling back at them and saying, “God bless you too!!”.

It’s moments like those that I know I REALLY need to renew my mind with God’s truth.  I need a change of heart.  I need Him.

This is my confession.