Turn It ON!

Here is my dilemma: there are times I jump into the sack (keeping’ it PG for any kids out there that believe a stork dropped them at your front door) and I’m not thinking, “Oh, yea, I am TOTALLY crazy for my husband and into this right now!”.  Instead, I may be thinking other scandalous thoughts such as, “Did I turn the dryer on after I loaded the wet clothes in it or…oh, sweetie, you’re so fantastic…fantastic…that reminds me of Fantastic Four, I think that movie is due back at the library…oh, no!  I hope it’s not overdue…due…do…oh, honey, I do love you…if it is overdue, I’m cutting up my library card since we’ve paid enough fines to build them a new library!  Holy cow, what do they do with those fines?  Fines…oh, honey, you are SO fine…so…which reminds me…I haven’t sewed that hole in Gideon’s pillow pet yet, darn it!  Pillow…now, where was I again?  Oh, yeah, pillow talk…”

This is the REAL pillow talk that goes on in my mind sometimes and what I wouldn’t do to just shut ‘er down and focus on what (really, WHO) is more important at the moment: my lifetime lover!

Although I shamelessly and gleefully celebrate the JOY of married intimacy in a previous blog, "Married Sex: The Grand Slam!" , I'll be real with you: I’m not ALWAYS in the mood (proof positive that opposites DO attract).

I have a little story to share here so won’t you be my neighbor (no button-down-cardigan required) and pull up a chair to eavesdrop in a recent conversation between me and my husband...

Me: Hey sweetie (collapsing onto the bed after tucking in the last of the children for the evening), I am so tired but I’ve been looking forward to talking with you ALL day.
Bob: Oh, that’s nice.
Me: Yeah, I had a really hard day and just need you to listen to me vent.
Bob: Well…I have a headache.
Me: Okay, I’ll be quick.  So, I was trying to plant some flowers out back when the kids got into the dirt and…hey, are you listening?
Bob: You know, I’m really not in the mood to listen to you.
Me: Seriously?
Bob: Yeah, I’m going to bed.  Goodnight.  (Turns off his lamp and falls asleep)

To begin: NO husbands have been hurt/killed in the making of this blog.  If the above conversation had REALLY happened, well, let’s just say my darling would have a new address: the doghouse!

I’m wondering if most of us ladies would feel very unloved (or at the very least, feel some serious smoke coming out of our ears) if the above conversation really did take place between them and their spouse.  Yet, so often…it does.

Only it may go more like THIS…(all italics are thoughts)
Husband: Hey sweetie, how was your day? (I am so tired after a long day at work but I have been thinking about her all day and can’t wait to BE with her)
Wife:  Good…but I am tired!
Husband:  Yeah, me too, I’ve been looking forward to SEEING (hint, hint) you.
Wife: Oh, that’s nice.
Husband: Do you want to…you know?
Wife: Um…I have a headache.
Husband: Well, we could make it quick maybe?  (I’ll take anything, I just want to be with her!)
Wife: You know, I’m not really in the mood.
Husband: Really?  
Wife:  Goodnight.  (Turns off lamp and goes to bed)
What if a man feels unwanted when one of his strongest desires (for his wife) is shut down after he’s been looking forward to it all day (or week…or month!).  If this seems farfetched to you, just ask him.  Ask him what being with YOU means to him.  Could it be comparable to your need for him to LISTEN and UNDERSTAND you?

If that’s the case, then ladies, we have a problem!

Because the truth is (and it’s OKAY!), we just AIN’T going to ALWAYS have that lovin’ FEELING.  But there are times (the headache excuse is a golden ticket and can be used of course, but perhaps less frequently?) when we must not FEEL our way into an ACTION but rather ACT our way into a FEELING.

The feeling may be the bus that never (or rarely) comes but we’re still sitting at the bus stop a waiting! Forget the bus (feeling), let’s start walking towards the goal and hopefully by the time we get there, we may be feelin’ the heat…if you get my drift!

Instead of thinking, “I better check on the clothes in the dryer” (don’t worry-laundry, like Jesus, will never leave you nor forsake you) how ‘bout, “I better check to make sure the kids are asleep so I can give that man the kind of kiss that he deserves!”.

And if there is a pile of laundry on the bed keeping you from enjoying some pillow talk with your spouse, for gosh sakes, throw it all on the floor (just don’t forget to first grab that lacy thing that is generously called underwear) and don’t worry if you lost that loving feeling.  Get busy DOING it and the FEELING will come!  Who knows, maybe instead of wondering if you turned on the dryer while you’re getting busy...you may forget turning the dryer on and realize something else got turned on instead!

Now that’s REAL pillow talk.